when i think hole in the wall

i think this was 2013. december maybe. id just found work… no. no it wasnt that time it was when i came back from alaska. so it was august, right around when i met john payne.

i was sleeping in the fields by the airport. but i still had all this money from salmon season i didnt know what else to do with so i was at every bar just living it up while i looked for work.

i was wandering down grant ave one night, already drunk ofc. ive lived and breathed alcohol, especially then. but i look up at this little signt hanging over the sidewalk and it says ‘the lovecraft’. n im like ‘oh, no shit?’, and look in… no windows. all blacked out. but i do hear music, so i go in.

whom are these strange people.. that know of lovecraft. i must drink with them

its dark. blacklit. it kind of looks like a halloween party. a little stage with a dj, a few tables for dining on the other side of the room. the little bar between.. one almost wants to draw it but only bc there was so many people in there ig. maybe. in all blacklight.

i go to the bar and they have captain crunch cereal on the menu so i order some just because why not. then i order a doubleshot of absinthe.

its an all 80s night, i gathered, and had a few songs for the dj. but by this time im familiar with djs. they dont normally have anything thats not completely mainstream in their library so i kept it simple this time, asking a song by new order.

i sink back to the bar to watch people dance to my song with another doubleshot, as a homeless man, all my shit 10 miles out in some field by the airport.
i hadnt found any bibliophiles but i did find the 80s. and some hole in the wall that actually serves the devils licorice.

a couple of gals approach me at the bar and they ask me to come back into the hallway toward the restrooms im like sure whatever. there they explain that their friend thats getting married, presently to my right, has been dared to kiss a guy. on their bachelorette's party. i think oh man no wonder theres so many people in here.

i didnt. bc even way back then i felt like an old ass man and that she could do better but strolling out again a while later they just happened to be there and i said ill take you up on that anyways and i took her head in both hands and kissed her on the forhead and said i love you and youre beautiful and goodnight guys, instead

i was drunk as shit and i knew it. but only the first moment after that

respectfully; the afterthought

there was this old dude in klamath falls oregon that gave me work once a few years ago, flying a cardboard sign at my usual spot.

he drove me way out to his place on the rez, after renting a flatbed trailer, to pick up all the trash in his yard

all kinds. thousands of discarded bottles. beer, whiskey, broken equipment. broken everything. plates, bins full of rusted out tools that looked like theyd been drowning in there for decades

four hours and i had the whole damn lot bagged up and piled onto the trailer

he invited me inside for lunch but being that were way tf out in the boonies i refuse bc i aint armed and i just met this mf.

so we set on his porch for an hour or so, drinkin jack and soda. gettin nice and cooked, just sharing stories. told me about his family and his life. just us out there in the sticks

he drives me back and we go to the liquor store first, he buys me two pints of whiskey and then drops me back at the wally.

gives me a fat bonus over the flat rate and says maybe next time again brother.

i was thinking about all the people ive known that passed recently, earlier today.

i came back some months later wonderin if there was anything else.. he never answered my text or call.

and you know what? i think that motherfucker was just tryna get shit set up and presentable for his family when he died.

in my blackest brogue

turns out they got these little hotel type deals at hospitals for motherfuckers that are dyin and shit.. i just spent three days in one cause i got caught drinking.

you can like, order these gourmet meals up to your room by dialing 5000 and you got a different nurse checking in on you every hour to see what you want and make sure youre not doin anything freaky ig idk

hey whatchu doin in here oh.. niggasjust chillin readin a fuckin book

there was this little redhead nursethat came in and introduced herself first thing. like, i assumed it was thedoctor runnin the whole show or something cause she just gave me her name and blinked at me and then leftsayin shed be back later.

thinking about it now and holy shit hotdamn. she came back and did some nurse shit. me still thinking its thedoctor ofc

cause there was like 20 differentnurses after that

but damn i couldve stayed there foralmost a week just me and movies n books man just needed some fresh airso was like hey yo, im done nappin. n they let me go

pretty wild huh. i didnt know they did that

fuck it, put it on the blog